Many autistic adults move through the world while hiding their true selves. They mirror social behaviors, suppress stimming, force eye contact, rehearse conversations, and try to appear “normal” to avoid judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding. This is known as masking or camouflaging, and while it may help people blend in, it often comes at a significant emotional and physical cost.
Masking can be so ingrained that many adults do it without even realizing it. Over time, it can lead to burnout, identity confusion, anxiety, and a deep sense of disconnection from self. Understanding what masking is, why it happens, and how to begin unmasking safely is an important part of healing and self-acceptance for many autistic adults.
What Is Masking and Why Does It Happen?
Masking refers to the conscious or unconscious effort to hide or suppress autistic traits in order to fit into neurotypical environments. This may involve mimicking facial expressions, scripting responses, copying social cues, or hiding sensory discomfort in public settings.
For many autistic people, masking starts early. It can be a survival skill learned in childhood as a way to avoid bullying, stand out less in school, or meet the expectations of parents, teachers, or peers. Over time, masking may become automatic and feel like the only way to be accepted or succeed in social and professional spaces.
People often mask because:
- They want to be liked or accepted
- They fear being seen as rude, awkward, or “too much”
- They are trying to avoid conflict, discrimination, or being dismissed
- They believe their true self will not be understood or valued
While masking may help someone avoid negative reactions from others, it does not make those needs or differences disappear. It simply pushes them below the surface.
The Emotional Toll of Masking
Masking is more than just pretending. It requires constant monitoring, overthinking, and emotional regulation, which can be deeply draining.
Some of the common effects of long-term masking include:
- Chronic exhaustion or autistic burnout
- Anxiety, depression, or increased stress
- Difficulty identifying your own preferences, needs, or feelings
- A sense of disconnection from your identity
- Social fatigue or the need for extended recovery time after interactions
- Trouble forming authentic relationships
Masking asks you to hide who you are in order to be accepted. Over time, that sends a message that your natural way of existing is not safe or welcome, even if no one says it out loud.
What Unmasking Really Means
Unmasking is the process of letting go of the behaviors or strategies you’ve used to hide your autism. It doesn’t mean abandoning all structure or social awareness. It means giving yourself permission to show up more fully and authentically in ways that feel safe and sustainable.
Unmasking may look like:
- Allowing yourself to stim in public without shame
- Speaking in ways that are natural to you instead of performing small talk
- Saying no to overstimulating events or activities
- Taking breaks from socializing without guilt
- Advocating for accommodations or sensory needs
- Exploring what you truly enjoy, want, or need, outside of what is expected
It is important to know that unmasking is a personal and gradual process. Not everyone has the privilege to fully unmask in all environments, especially if safety, employment, or relationships are at risk. You do not need to unmask everywhere, all at once. Even small moments of authenticity are meaningful.
How Therapy Can Support Unmasking and Self-Understanding
Therapy can be a supportive space to explore masking, reflect on your experiences, and begin building a more connected relationship with yourself. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help you:
- Understand when and why you began masking
- Identify situations where you feel safe enough to unmask
- Rebuild a sense of identity outside of performance
- Process burnout, anxiety, or emotional fatigue
- Learn self-advocacy and boundary-setting skills
- Practice self-compassion in moments of self-doubt
The goal is not to change who you are but to support the parts of you that may have been hidden for a long time.
Final Thoughts
Masking is a common and often necessary part of life for many autistic adults, but it should not be the only option. You deserve spaces where you do not have to hide, perform, or explain yourself in order to belong.
If you have been masking for most of your life, it is okay to take your time rediscovering who you are underneath it. That journey is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who you have always been.
If you are ready to explore unmasking and reconnect with your authentic self, therapy can help. Reach out today for support that honors and understands your experience.