Relationships go through ups and downs, and it’s natural to experience challenges along the way. Whether you’ve been struggling with communication, feeling disconnected, or dealing with recurring conflicts, couples therapy can be a valuable tool for strengthening your relationship. The challenge is bringing it up with your partner, especially if they may be hesitant or defensive about the idea.
Suggesting couples therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. In fact, it’s a sign that you care about making things better. The way you approach the conversation can make a big difference in how your partner responds. Here’s how to talk about it in a way that encourages openness and collaboration rather than resistance.
How to Approach the Conversation
Start from a Place of Love, Not Criticism
It’s important to frame the conversation in a way that emphasizes growth rather than blame. Instead of saying, “We need therapy because you never listen to me,” try something like, “I really value our relationship, and I want us to be able to communicate better and feel more connected.” Positioning therapy as a way to strengthen your relationship rather than fix something broken can make your partner more open to the idea.
Choose the Right Time and Setting
Bringing up therapy in the middle of an argument or when emotions are running high is unlikely to go well. Instead, find a calm and private moment when you both feel relaxed and have time to talk. A thoughtful and intentional conversation will be more productive than one that feels reactive or pressured.
Express Your Own Feelings and Needs
Rather than focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, share what you’ve been feeling and why therapy is important to you. You might say, “Lately, I’ve been feeling like we’re not as connected as we used to be, and I really want to work on that together.” Speaking from your own perspective prevents your partner from feeling attacked and keeps the conversation open.
Acknowledge Any Hesitations
Your partner may have concerns about therapy, whether it’s fear of being judged, skepticism about whether it will help, or discomfort with the idea of discussing personal matters with a stranger. Instead of dismissing their concerns, validate them by saying, “I understand that this might feel uncomfortable or even unnecessary, but I think it could really help us communicate better and work through things as a team.”
Highlight That It’s a Joint Effort
Couples therapy is not about one person being the problem and the other being right. It’s about working together to create a healthier dynamic. Reassure your partner that therapy isn’t about blame but about understanding each other better. You could say, “This isn’t about one of us being wrong or at fault. I just think having a neutral space to talk through things could really benefit us both.”
Suggest Trying It as an Experiment
The idea of ongoing therapy might feel overwhelming, so instead of presenting it as a long-term commitment, suggest trying a few sessions to see how it feels. You could say, “What if we just try a few sessions and see how it goes? If it doesn’t feel helpful, we don’t have to continue, but I think it’s worth exploring.”
Be Patient and Give Them Time
Not everyone will agree to therapy immediately, and that’s okay. If your partner seems hesitant, let them process the idea instead of pushing them into a decision. You can say, “I don’t need an answer right now, but I’d love for you to think about it. It’s something that really matters to me.” Giving them space to consider it may make them more open over time.
Moving Forward
Bringing up couples therapy can feel daunting, but it’s ultimately an act of love and commitment. Relationships take effort, and seeking therapy doesn’t mean something is failing—it means you’re invested in making things better. Even if your partner is hesitant at first, a thoughtful and open conversation can plant the seed for positive change.
If you and your partner are ready to take the next step, I’m here to help. Reach out today to learn more about how couples therapy can help you strengthen your connection and navigate challenges together.